Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

Am i not worth 2 minutes of your time? Sitting outside your house inside my car for a hour i got the courage to finally text you, hoping that you’ll at least come outside to see how i was doing. Constantly having my hopes shot down i thought maybe tonight would be different. I wanted to make sure you were doing fine, looked fine, felt fine. I know i dont mean much to you anymore but you still do mean a lot to me. I wanted to embrace you with all these bottled feelings, a simple hug and hello. I was crushed, left outside in the cold i patiently waited. Knowing I was at the right place and right time i waited. Is a hug and some words too much to ask for? I just needed someone there to realize that im not doing well. Someone to just listen to the words that i;ve been dying to say. Now im stuck with millions of thoughts and questions. Why? Why can’t you understand that with you around I feel at ease? Why am I always shunned and ignored? Why can’t we just be friends? The one thing that I want at the moment is for you to realize that I’d rather be a friend than nothing at all. But i guess it’s a bit too late. Ill leave it at where it is and I promise i wont bother anymore. I really did hope we would’ve ended a lot better. I miss you, care about you, and have realized that i just need to forget about everything. Man, why must you have made such an impact?

I always find myself lonely and abandoned. I’m always the first person to be dropped and last to be held onto. It feels as if I;m nothing more than an acquaintance to all of those who I care for. Not once am I the one to be hit up unless it’s to see if I can provide for those who actually call. I’d like to just talk to someone sometimes. Just a simple hello or how are you doing. Maybe have someone care that I;m alive once and awhile. I mean, I’d like to believe that im worth as much as a hello, but sometimes it kills me inside. Watching others receive greetings on the daily, hanging out with friends who actually care, happiness with their company. It honestly puts me in such a horrible place. I questions myself all the time nowadays. “Im I that boring? Ugly? Hard to speak to?” Life at the moment just isnt look up atm.

I miss kickin it with the fellas. Having that type of bond that couldnt be broken by no bitch, parent, or other nigga. Relaxing with the mains and just doing stupid shit knowing you cant do these types of things with other figures. Knowing that they’ll have your back whether it be a fight or just an argument with your girl. I miss being able to lean on my homies shoulder with worries in my head and him just being like “Aye, your good bro.” ” Stop being a bitch, get up, and do something”. Although others might think it’s hate, them people who have companions of this caliber know that it;s only love. The walking to wal-mart, sessioning at houses, fighting other kids, and just the jazz around hanging with real niggas.

Everyone should know what i mean.